My Reason. My "Why."

I had originally planned a very detailed and educational piece as my first professional blog entry (I made sure to add professional, in case somewhere out there on the internet is the blog I created back in college in the early 2000s, when blogs were super trendy, and Facebook was an inclusive group for only people with college email address - haha), but felt that a blog explaining a little more about who I am, how my passion project started, and how I offer support to other mamas, would be more fitting.

For those new mamas who have stumbled across my website: Welcome! My name is Bethaney. I am a mama of two - currently under 4 years old. I've worked professionally as a Registered Dietitian for the past 7.5 years, spreading my time out between three different hospitals as a Clinical Dietitian, with a majority of the time in Pediatrics. As a Clinical Dietitian we do a TON of different things (no we don't take patient's menu orders or make the hospital food), including writing recommendations for nutrition support (such as the formula recommendations for when patients are unable to eat food), malnutrition assessments looking at patient's medical/weight history and performing a physical assessment for muscle loss, and EDUCATION! This is a big one as we see so many different types of cases, and really have to understand how different nutrients work in the body, to understand how they can affect different disease states, and provide education catered to that need, while personalizing it towards the patient's unique situation and preferences.

My current hospital though has really made me see my role in a new light. The company that owns the hospital has what they call a "Whole Body" approach, which not only includes physically helping a patient, but supporting with mental, emotional, nutritional, etc needs.

I recently attended a company orientation training. One exercise was to write down on a piece of paper, which I found out was later transcribed onto a new badge for us to wear, the person that we think of when we care for our patients: "I care for you like my..."

My answer was my Grandma Jane.

My Grandma Jane, my Mom's mom, was a spunky, cheerful, and sarcastic women. From what I remember of her growing up, as she passed away a few years ago, she was that cool, fun, stereotypical Grandma that let me pick out whatever type of cereal I wanted at the grocery store, when I stayed with her during the summer.

My Grandparents always struggled with their weight. Their weight was something that caused them pain, both physically and emotionally.

My Grandpa was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, and ended up meeting with a Diabetes Educator (a Registered Dietitian!! The first time I heard of the profession) who changed his life. He was given a giant binder of nutrition information, and took it so serious, that he lost a lot of weight and told everyone he was "cured" (I now understand that once you have the diagnosis of Diabetes, this is a lifelong issue. You can improve your blood sugar trends and your A1C can drop into a normal range, but it's something that can go back up and cause side effects even with improved numbers).

My Grandma on the other hand had issues with physical movement. Her weight slowed her down, hurt her knees, so much so that she had to have knee replacements, and led her to give up things that she loved like sailing. I remember how emotionally pained she seemed, even though she always tried to keep a happy appearance, when we would talk about trying to go out to do anything, because it wasn't an easy task for her.

The hard part was seeing her try diet after diet, and fail to lose any weight. I remember eating out one time, and watching her dip her salad into dressing to try and save calories. And the tiny sized portions of food that she allowed herself to eat, makes me sad thinking about it now. I don't honestly know if it's just now, this decade, that we finally understand that weight loss is much more than just calories in - calories out, or if it's just being spread more easily, to combat diet culture, with the ease of technology.

The last time I saw my Grandma before she passed was a day that I won't ever forget.

My Mom had warned me that things had gotten bad. My Grandpa was retired Navy, and a very strict man, from the little bit of stories that my Mom would share with me about her relationship with him. In his later years, he developed dementia, but both him and my Grandma did not want to be separated. He physically wouldn't let my Grandma leave, to go live in a nursing home, because he thought he could take care of her himself (everyone knew that wasn't true, especially with his memory fading). My Grandma seemed stuck between wanting to help care for him, but also wanting to leave so she could care for herself.

When I went to visit my Grandma she was bedbound on a very old and uncomfortable mattress. She had a large bleeding bedsore on her butt, that was causing her so much pain. I had never seen her look so tired, sad, and defeated. My Grandparents did have a home health nurse that came occasionally to help, but she was limited in what she could help with, especially since my Grandpa wanted to be able to do everything himself.

I didn't really know what to say to my Grandma. Nothing care to mind to help ease her pain. And small talk seemed so inappropriate at that moment.

I eventually asked her how she was feeling, and after giving me a sigh that said "Not good" she said all she wanted to do was die.

Now you're probably at the point where you are wondering how this story connects with motherhood, or why I'm sharing this sad memory with you.

I realized the reason that I chose my Grandma Jane's name for my badge is because this memory continues to influence how I treat patients, clients, and my interactions with other moms. I wish that I would have been able to do more for her that day to help ease her pain. I wish that I would have been able to share the knowledge I have now, of nutrition, body confidence, hormone health, metabolism, and so much more, to help her feel physically, emotionally, and mentally comfortable in her body years before, so that she might not have had to suffer as much in the end.

There's a movement of moms, that I've joined in, that are not focused on the "thin culture" or physical appearance, but on being strong and working on now, so that we can be strong 70+ year old women, that feel physically and emotionally amazing in our bodies.

My Mom just turned 70 this year and still complains about her body, and doesn't have a positive relationship with food.

It can be so hard to break habits and feelings that have been engrained in us since childhood, but it is time for us as mamas in this anti-diet culture era to do it for ourselves, our Moms and Grandmas, but most importantly, for our own children.

My own personal relationship with food and my body isn't perfect. I still have days that I struggle. But I never want my daughters to feel ashamed of their bodies that they have to wear t-shirts to the beach and don't get to enjoy summer because of it. I don't want them to question every food that they want to eat, binge eat cookies because "once their out of the house, they're out of my mind." And I don't want them to struggle with an eating disorder or disordered eating habits, like I did, to try and make my body fit a certain image that I was trained was "beautiful."

The aspects that I implement in my own life are as follows:

• Eat balanced meals and snacks, 80% of the time, to help keep my body satisfied, blood sugar stabilized, and overall feeling good.

• Lean towards a body neutrality thought, showing respect for my body, because body positivity ALL the time for me is unrealistic. Body neutrality says my body is what it is - no pressure to love everything all of the time, but also no room for feelings of hate.

• 10 minutes of meditation or time for my own personal thoughts, to help mentally connect with "me." This is something that might help if you are struggling to feel like you after baby.

• Include joyful movement at least 3 days a week (I aim to include movement in some form daily, but giving myself a smaller goal allows me to exceed my expectation and feel good when I do).

• Eliminate unnecessary stress. This is one that has been a game changer for my mental and physical health (if you follow my Instagram: @run.like.mama.nutrition you will see me talk A LOT about stress and sleep deprivation impact on our hormonal health and cause of undesirable weight gain/inability to lose weight). I have put less stress on myself by giving myself grace (and asking for support) around house cleaning and work.

• Improve sleep quality and quantity, aiming for at least 7 hours of sleep (this is still a struggle as I try to balance "me" time at night, with a toddler who loves to wake up early).

I share this with you to help give you a glimpse of what I personally focus on, which are all topics that I cover in the Fueled Through Motherhood Academy.

I want to be a mentally, emotionally, and physically strong 70+ year old woman, and want the same for you.

And I hope to extend my hand of support in a way that helps you feel like I am caring for you like family.

Welcome to the Run Like Mama community.

Bethaney